Divorce - Basics

Hi all,

I have setup this small post to give some pointers to those in need of it.

The Unpleasant Side of Divorce

Getting married is entering into a contract - but it’s probably the one contract that is the easiest to break because divorce has made it easy for husband and wife to walk out when they go through an unhappy period in their life, albeit temporary.

Just think - lawyers will fight tooth and nail to protect corporations in their contract relations or between you and your landlord, your mechanic and your doctor, but can’t prevent you from breaking up with your spouse. In fact, they would even counsel you to break up your marriage and then discuss division of property as the next logical step.

Crouch says that marriage is the only contract that anyone can break, at any time, and not be held responsible for it.

The Emotional Costs of Divorce

And what about the argument that divorce makes people happier after they leave a sad marriage?

Studies appear to suggest that this is a myth, because evidence points to the contrary.  According to the Institute of American Values, when divorced couples were rated with couples who stayed married on 12 parameters of psychological well-being, it was discovered that on average, couples who divorced were no happier five years after the divorce than were equally unhappily married couples who stayed together.

There are other reasons why divorced individuals don’t end up happier:

• Depression symptoms do not necessarily diminish with divorce, nor did divorce raise people’s self-esteem;
• Unhappy marriages were less common than unhappy spouses;
• Staying married did not typically trap unhappy spouses in violent relationships.

Ms. Heines also raised the litigation aspect in most divorces.  She said that a significant number of married people usually want to settle their divorce with the least possible hassle, but divorce lawyers are a species to be reckoned with.  They come up with arguments to justify getting into World War III, and they drag out the paper work.

For divorcing couples who become emotionally and financially spent, is the courtroom drama really all that worth it?  Couldn’t couples just talk about their differences without third parties who are in it to line their pockets?

Divorce and Children

A specialist in human development and family studies from the University of Missouri discussed the impact of divorce on children, mentioning that how they react strongly and differently to their divorcing parents depends on their age.

• Infants: higher degree of irritability, more crying and fussing, changes in sleeping and eating habits.
• Toddlers: they recognize the fact that one parent is no longer living at home, they have a difficult time physically separating from a parent, may express anger, may lose some skills previously acquired like toilet training, going back to thumb-sucking, experience changes in sleeping patterns, may have nightmares.
• Pre-schoolers and early elementary age:  may blame themselves for the divorce, may over-worry about changes in their lives, may exhibit sadness and grieving because of the absence of one parent, may be aggressive and violent to the parent they blame for the divorce, may fantasize about their parents getting back together.
• Pre-teens: may feel abandoned by the departing parent, may withdraw from friends and favourite activities, may exhibit strange behaviour and use foul language, may feel angry and uncertain about their concepts of love, marriage and family, may feel that they are growing up too soon, and may find themselves preoccupied about their parents’ finances.

I hope this short post helps out a few people. Divorce is not something you would like to go through, try avoiding it at all costs. Do all you can until there is no other option, this is something that will affect your life.

Below is a download for you to help you through this difficult time, this consists of 3 ebooks namely:

• Mans guide to survive a Divorce
• Womens guide to survive a Divorce
• Save your Marriage

Download link: eBook - Divorce and Marriage Help (108) - 353.89 KB

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